Bobb Resident Assistants called mandatory floor meetings this past weekend to discuss the excessive amount of vomit lining the bathroom sinks.
“We’re only three weeks into the year,” lamented sophomore and third floor RA Meaghan Doherty. “I understand it happening once or twice… I mean hey, I was going through Wildcat Welcome not too long ago. But you’d really think some of these kids could make it to the toilet.” Freshmen were shocked to find out these conveniently located containers weren’t designed for their puking needs.
The floor meetings witnessed surprisingly large turnout, with sources suspecting the reason was that RAs provided Domino’s and a basket of condoms as an incentive.
First floor RA Sam Folse cut to the chase with his kids. “Alright, the gut-wrenching stench coming from the bathrooms need to be resolved. I don’t know where or how you all were raised, but the sinks in the bathroom are not ‘throw-up holes.’”
Freshmen exchanged murmurs of surprise as Folse continued with his lecture. “Control yourselves, or at least make it to the toilet and flush your poor decisions away.”
One freshman piped up with a question: “Wait, so if we can’t throw up in the ‘sinks,’ you want us to pull trig in the toilet and then flush it? But won’t the sound wake people up at 3:00 a.m.?”
Folse held back his sigh of contempt. “Yes. Maybe the toilet-flushing can drown out the moaning that comes from the poor souls discovering a sock on their door and a pillow in the hall at the end of the night,” concluded Folse.