“I don’t even own a pair of pants, unless my silk romper counts. But, once I get cold, I can’t even feel my legs or arms anymore so it’s not too big of a deal.”
Gibbons’ unfortunate sex-ring escapade is just one of many kooky accidents that befall directionally-challenged first-years.
“I will be launching a weekly ceremony to eliminate people from the GroupMe,” wrote Piper in an official press release to the GroupMe. “You can gain immunity from elimination by doing my laundry or locating a fork during lunchtime in Sargent.”
Freshmen were shocked to find out these conveniently located containers weren’t designed for their puking needs.
“If she’ll stick around for Frozen, she’ll stick around for anything. She’s a keeper.”
“I guess it’s early and I’m still finding my way around,” White said, as if that were actually a thing.
“I’ll stare right into their eyes and not say a single word. If their pupils dilate, that means it’s working.”
Brian McNulty, one of the workers who found Group 193, described the scene as “the single most confusing thing I have ever stumbled upon.”
After receiving a B+ on her first assignment, Summers believes all she needs is a fresh start. “I just had to accept that this was a bump in the road,” she told her best friend Heather Heathers.
It’s that time of year once again. Hundreds of t-shirts exhibiting zero graphic design skill will descend on the quad like a swarm of, well, sorority girls, or at least future ones anyway.