Flat Earth Society Speaks Out Against Dr. Fauci: “The Curve Does Not Exist”
“Join our movement today and reject the orb-obsessed mainstream.”
Author Archives: Ally Hill
“Well, well, well, who’s laughing now?” Says Student Spending Spring Break in Tiny Deep Sea Capsule
“They all called me ‘Jenny the Weirdo,’ ‘Jenny the Deep Sea Freak,’ ‘Jenny-the-girl-who-got-her-head-stuck-inside-a-beaker-during-a-bio-lab,’” said Smeely, “Oh how the tables have turned!”
Biden Suggests Having His “Techy” Niece Take a Crack at Iowa Voting App
“Why, back in nineteen-tickety-six if something broke, you fixed it. Simple as that. I don’t see what the hold-up is here,” said Biden. The former vice president then went on to tell a long-winded personal anecdote about his father’s days as a used car salesman.
Not Again! Silly Freshman Gets Lost… In Underground Sex Ring
Gibbons’ unfortunate sex-ring escapade is just one of many kooky accidents that befall directionally-challenged first-years.
Not To Be Outdone, Thomas the Tank Engine Writers Announce Percy is Pansexual
Percy, the lovable small green engine, will reportedly explore his newfound attractions to his fellow trains, Emily and Gordon, in a three episode arc which will culminate with, as Wagner put it, “the most passionate love-making scene, the likes of which the Island of Sodor has never seen.”
Bradley Cooper’s Girlfriend to Release Sequel: “A Star is Sleeping on the Couch Tonight”
The film will reportedly feature an extremely remorseful Bradley Cooper attempting to win back his “very beautiful” girlfriend after running off with, in Shayk’s words, an “untalented, meat-dress wearing diva.”
Guy at Party Desperately Waiting For Someone to Comment on His Goofy Shirt
“These people,” he gestured vaguely around the packed basement, “they just don’t appreciate a good graphic tee.”
Marvel Conspiracy Theorist Convinced Stan Lee Not Dead, Will Return in Next Avengers Movie
“This is classic Marvel: characters fake their deaths all the time. It’s just like in the first Thor when Loki seemed to die in a black hole but then returned to Asgard in the next movie.”
Atwood Receives Lukewarm Response at Keynote From Campus Dudes; “She’d Be Pretty If She Smiled More”
“Don’t get me wrong, she sounds like a great writer and all, but she just seemed so serious. Like, lighten up a little, sweetheart!”
Razor Scooter Owner Rides After Dark to Avoid Being Recognized
On the outside, he seems just like everyone else. But on the inside he has a massive, two-wheel secret.