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Author Archives: Ally Hill
“They all called me ‘Jenny the Weirdo,’ ‘Jenny the Deep Sea Freak,’ ‘Jenny-the-girl-who-got-her-head-stuck-inside-a-beaker-during-a-bio-lab,’” said Smeely, “Oh how the tables have turned!”
“Why, back in nineteen-tickety-six if something broke, you fixed it. Simple as that. I don’t see what the hold-up is here,” said Biden. The former vice president then went on to tell a long-winded personal anecdote about his father’s days as a used car salesman.
Gibbons’ unfortunate sex-ring escapade is just one of many kooky accidents that befall directionally-challenged first-years.
Percy, the lovable small green engine, will reportedly explore his newfound attractions to his fellow trains, Emily and Gordon, in a three episode arc which will culminate with, as Wagner put it, “the most passionate love-making scene, the likes of which the Island of Sodor has never seen.”
The film will reportedly feature an extremely remorseful Bradley Cooper attempting to win back his “very beautiful” girlfriend after running off with, in Shayk’s words, an “untalented, meat-dress wearing diva.”
“These people,” he gestured vaguely around the packed basement, “they just don’t appreciate a good graphic tee.”
“This is classic Marvel: characters fake their deaths all the time. It’s just like in the first Thor when Loki seemed to die in a black hole but then returned to Asgard in the next movie.”
Atwood Receives Lukewarm Response at Keynote From Campus Dudes; “She’d Be Pretty If She Smiled More”
“Don’t get me wrong, she sounds like a great writer and all, but she just seemed so serious. Like, lighten up a little, sweetheart!”
On the outside, he seems just like everyone else. But on the inside he has a massive, two-wheel secret.