“Like This Message If” Messages Only Way Area Man Receives Love
“Arnold literally printed out a heart, stuck it on the wall, and asked me to caress it whenever he said something funny,” claimed Cole.
Category Archives: No. 282
Gotta Go Fast: Animators Rush to Overhaul Sonic Movie in Month-Long Adderall Bender
“I’m already on Adderall because I have ADHD,” said animator Ryan Fogel, “But I started crushing and snorting it, and oh my GOD it’s so much better!”
NBA Referee Assigns Technical Foul To Pregnant Woman For “Hiding Basketball”
The NBA Playoffs erupted into chaos Tuesday after a referee dished out a technical foul to Claire Rogers, a pregnant woman in the stands, for “hiding the basketball.” The incident, which has already been deemed the greatest misunderstanding sincethe Salem Witch Trials, began in the third quarterafter an erroneous pass found its way into the stands. Sources report that as the ref turned his head, he noticed a round woman whispering to her stomach over and over. He immediately blew
Twins Named Georgia and Alabama Opt for Name Change
“It’s like they think they’re fully autonomous people or somethin!”
Not To Be Outdone, Thomas the Tank Engine Writers Announce Percy is Pansexual
Percy, the lovable small green engine, will reportedly explore his newfound attractions to his fellow trains, Emily and Gordon, in a three episode arc which will culminate with, as Wagner put it, “the most passionate love-making scene, the likes of which the Island of Sodor has never seen.”
Lonely Bell Pepper From Sargent Burger Tray Spotted in CAPS Waiting Room
In the waiting room, the bell pepper slice told reporters that it felt “out of place at this school” and didn’t feel a strong sense of belonging in the community.