Area freshman Hugo Baxter officially hit rock bottom Thursday morning after he opened his email only to find a formal letter of rejection for a summer internship position at wildly mediocre children’s entertainment center and restaurant, Chuck E. Cheese.
Sources close to Baxter have shared that the Chuck E. Cheese gig was the last hurrah for the McCormick student, after a devastating fall quarter of rejections from all of Baxter’s dream positions at literally every single reputable firm under the sun.
“Hugo took it well for someone who was incapable of landing a single job that a Northwestern student wouldn’t be ashamed of putting on their resume,” said Baxter’s roommate, Andrew Herrera. “He reasoned that as a freshman, he was at an inherent disadvantage and he could totally nab that Goldman Sachs internship after his junior year. He told me he’d just use the summer after his freshman year to make some easy money at the Chuck E. Cheese down the street from his parent’s house.”
When asked about Baxter’s ultimately doomed application, the restaurant manager dismissively said “Yeah, I knew he wasn’t getting the job the minute he showed up to the interview in a full suit, with a resume and cover letter. Like seriously, all he needed to do was show that he could fit into the mouse costume and not mentally scar the kids while wearing it. But he kept going on and on about how he was double majoring in Biomedical Engineering and Industrial Engineering at Northwestern, as if I’m supposed to care. Isn’t that just the school in Chicago that’s not UChicago?”
Baxter’s academic advisor only had two words to say about the entire debacle involving his disgraced student: “Big oof.”