Breaking: That Guy in Your Class Finally Trimmed His Coke Nail

It seems that even with the stress of finals getting most students down, some people are able to pick themselves up and practice a little bit of self-care. At least, that was what Martha Brown, McCormick ’21, claimed when she noticed that one guy in the back of her 10 AM had finally trimmed his coke nail.

It appeared that lecture was going to be business as usual with everyone sleepily awaiting the professor’s arrival. However, all hopes for a boring class vanished when that one guy walked in. It was not long before everyone noticed that the nail on his right pinkie finger now stopped just before the end of his finger, rather than its usual length about an inch past the fingertip. Murmuring erupted and smiles quickly broke out on peoples’ faces as they realized that this guy had turned over a new leaf and ditched his harmful addiction to cocaine.

Even the professor seemed impressed when he briefly stopped his teaching halfway through class. “I am so proud of…Cole?… for finally trimming his nails,” said Professor Gill, “I know that this journey has been a long one – even longer than his nail was.”

When asked about what inspired him to finally trim his coke nail, the student said that he didn’t want his parents to notice it when he goes home for winter break later this week. “Also, my name is Kane,” added the student, “and I just realized that I’m not even enrolled in this class.”

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