Snooty Weinberg Professor Announces Spring Quarter Universal Fail Policy

After Northwestern’s switch to a Pass/No Pass grading system for Spring Quarter, Weinberg Professor Veripry Tenshus has announced a universal fail policy for his ECON 375: Fairness and Equity in the Marketplace.

Tenshus informed his students of the new policy in a footnote on the last page of the course’s 25-page syllabus. “Due to the intense rigor of this course and the extreme inefficiency of my remote teaching,” read the policy, “all students will receive a grade of No Pass on their transcripts regardless of their performance in the class this quarter.”

The policy has received backlash from students enrolled in Tenshus’ class, many of whom claim the policy is unfair and designed to hurt students academically.“I was going to put in the bare minimum effort anyway, but I’m personally offended by the principle of the universal fail policy,” commented a McCormick junior enrolled in the class. “This class doesn’t take a whole brain like my other classes,” he added under his breath.

The Flipside reached out to several other students reached for comment, but their statements were unintelligible due to the static of the Zoom call.

Despite the intense reaction among many of his students, Professor Tenshus refuses to change or remove his universal fail policy.

“I think it’s really entitled of these students to demand I change my course policy when that’s just not the way the real world works,” Tenshus explained to The Daily Northwestern in his bathrobe while Flipside reporters Zoombombed, “I believe in educational equity, so it’s only fair that all of my students fail when some of them are just too stupid to understand the course material.”Despite the intense reaction among many of his students, Professor Tenshus refuses to change or remove his universal fail policy.“I think it’s really entitled of these students to demand I change my course policy when that’s just not the way the real world works,” Tenshus explained to The Daily Northwestern in his bathrobe while Flipside reporters Zoombombed, “I believe in educational equity, so it’s only fair that all of my students fail when some of them are just too stupid to understand the course material.”

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