“Here for a long time, not a good time” is a popular sentiment among students of Professor Jennifer Cranberry’s history classes, who cleverly spun the famous Tinder saying into a harsh critique of her lectures. The joke took on new significance since the beginning of winter quarter, as Professor Cranberry happened to recognize one of her student’s introductions on the Canvas message board from their Tinder bio.

Prof. Cranberry has been attempting to heighten her prestige in the history department for years, forming special relationships with her students by becoming in tune with their hobbies and interests. “Many history professors will leave a bowl of Werther’s butterscotch on their desk, which are as stale as the educators themselves,” Cranberry mused, “but I leave a bowl of Juul pods on mine. The kids just seem to love ‘hot boxing’ the bathrooms between classes.” Her most recent stunt, however, is joining the Tinder app to examine the more intimate details of her students’ extracurriculars.

“I’m scrolling through the message board on Canvas, drifting by the typical posts of students explaining their dog’s diet, or celebrating their uncle’s half birthday over break, when I happened to notice one young man included his height at the end of his introduction.” The young man in question is Weinberg junior Riley McMahon, who joined Tinder “just as a joke.”

According to McMahon, the bio reads “I love your dog more than I love you, and half as much as I love the Office. Just on here for fun. 6’3” because apparently that matters.” After drinking with his buddies, McMahon recalled the assignment’s midnight deadline and decided to copy and paste his Tinder bio instead, only realizing his error through the fog of his hangover the next morning.

Although the experience was certainly frightening for Professor Cranberry, especially considering what she saw in McMahon’s profile photos, something positive came out of the experience in the end. “I think I’m able to connect to my students on a whole new level and I finally understand their humor. I found out I’ve been using the acronym ‘DTF’ for years to mean Developing the Future, as a method of applying what we learned in history. Apparently, those young bucks have quite the active imagination, if you know what I mean.”