Three Undergrads in a Trench Coat Attempt to Walk into Kellogg

Security guards working inside Northwestern’s Kellogg School of Management recently made public the apprehension of three Northwestern underclassmen after they attempted to sneak into the graduate school despite not being students. The students reportedly were stacked on top of each other’s shoulders underneath a large trench coat, in order to appear as one singular graduate student.

“Yeah, it was pretty weird,” stated Marty Smith, a security guard working in Kellogg the night of the attempted break-in. “The kid on the top of the stack kept saying that he was there to “do business.” Like, he kept asking where “the business room” was, specifically.”

The students, who went by the moniker “John Entrepreneur,” were seemingly caught off guard when questioned about their intent.

“I asked the kid on top why he was nine feet tall,” Marty continued. “He stuttered for a bit before responding that it was some sort of hormonal imbalance. He also kept going on about how he was pursuing a Master’s in “Money” in order to support “local businesses” like VibeQuest and The Table.”

The three undergraduate students, reportedly two economics majors and one Medill undergraduate, could not be reached for comment.

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