BP Reveals New Seasonal PR Tactic: “We Wanted To Bring Hanukkah To The Fish”

As the environmental effects of a BP crude oil spill into the Gulf of Mexico continue to raise eyebrows over a decade later, BP’s newest hires have announced a PR campaign, rebranding the largest oil spill in history as a benevolent attempt to help local fish celebrate Hanukkah.

“There are about 9 million types of ground-up whitefish in your standard Gefilte,” said new company spokesperson Benjamin Cohenbaum-Goldsteinfarb. “I’m sure at least a few of them live in the Gulf, and I’m sure at least a few of those are Jewish and would appreciate some free supplies to celebrate the festival of lights.”

The company’s newest intern class – an even mix from Tulane, Yeshiva, Syracuse and Northwestern’s chapter of Delta Gamma – came up with the idea after brainstorming on one intern’s rebrand of a winter massage-oil spill as an unfortunate latke-making incident, convincing her parents to pay for a new mattress while building street cred at Hillel.

Since their move in religious piety, BP has hired a staff chazan and mohel and moved the staff rabbi to the corner office, bumping down the on-site fish deboner to a cubicle. 

They have also announced a new initiative where every intern who either get an oil spill investigative piece taken down from the internet or scoops a gallon of crude out of the Gulf of Mexico themselves will go on a special company-sponsored session of Birthright.

So far, aggressive spin marketing and a sick little fish menorah graphic has made the campaign a smashing success. For Purim, BP will send oil-affected fish and birds traditional mishloach manot treat baskets, full of Dawn soap instead of hamantaschen cookies.

“In the original miracle of Hanukkah, the oil burned for 8 days and 8 nights,” Cohenbaum-Goldsteinfarb said. “Our oil must be even more special if it’s lasted for almost eleven years and counting.”

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