Hear ye, hear ye, all ye faithful rest thy knees and allow me to spin ye a yarn which ye shan’t soon forget. The aircraft manufacturer known as Boeing has been a symbol of American technological prowess since their founding in 1920s, although recent years have seen that reputation drop quicker than cowboy pants in the showers at Ram Ranch. Anyway, while Boeing has been the recipient of much legitimate criticism, what everybody is missing is one thing: their naming system! Boeing 747? More like, more like boing boing boing boing boing boing boing (740 more times).

Boeing 747? What the hell kind of name is that. What were the other 746 planes? Oh, they didn’t exist? God did not put man on this Earth to design to airplanes only to give them stupid names like 747. What about something more badass like Windreaper or Sunchaser? That’s fucking cool

In all honesty, though, I can’t blame the 747 itself for this issue. The true culprits are the Boeing executives of the 1950s and 1960s. First they go from Boeing 377 Stratocruiser to the 367 and then to the 707? What the flip! And then the 727 a few years after the 707 AND THEN THE 720 WHICH IS BASICALLY JUST ANOTHER 707????? Goddammit Boeing, are you trying to give me an aneurysm? The reason I can’t talk to women is because all of my brainspace has been taken up trying to remember your shit naming system which is offensive to anybody with a working frontal lobe. My bloodline is going to die out because of you, and you’re laughing, you’re laughing because you know you’ve colossally fucked up and that’s why you don’t even want to start with the 797 development because you recognize the hole you dug yourself into.

WHAT WILL COME AFTER THE 797? THE 707? OH SHIT WAIT CAN’T DO THAT. THE 7107? GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT!  BASTARDS!