Heartbroken and shocked members of the Northwestern community came together last Friday at the Rock to mourn the loss of community fixture Chicken, who was found dead last week in the middle of Sheridan Road. An official coroner report claims that Chicken had a high dose of Acyclovir in his system at the time of death, and that, given the nature and gravity of his wounds, he was likely struck by a stray biker doing 40 in the 15 lane.

Friends, family, faculty, and others close to Chicken reported erratic behavior in the past weeks, including irregular crowing, “running around like his head was cut off,” pox-like breakouts and rashes, and general confusion and irritability.

One faculty member, who spoke with Flipside on the condition of anonymity, said, “He was telling me about some trouble he was in. Got in with the wrong crowd, something to do with some guys named Harold, and Harlan, and JJ, or something. Maybe he crossed to escape one of them.”

The confused sentiment is shared by others close to Chicken, all of whom have had the same question in mind. Chicken’s mother, Hen, spoke out on her son’s death in an interview last week, saying, “God, my boy. I taught him better than this. He knew, he knew <sniff>. Why did he cross the road?”

The loss comes just days after the announcement of Bob S. Pizza’s untimely death from COVID-19 complications, further rattling an already-mourning University community.

In other news, Porno Pizza has announced free slices of buffalo chicken pizza to all Northwestern students and staff.