From the Near Future: Ambassador to the UN Nicki Minaj Performs “Anaconda” in Front of the General Assembly to Raise Awareness of Falling Birth Rates in Developed Countries

In what is somehow probably not the weirdest thing that happened this week, former pop-star Nicki Minaj, now the United States’ Ambassador to the UN, performed a rendition of her hit song “Anaconda” in front of the General Assembly as part of the administration’s movement to highlight the detriment of falling birth rates in most nations of the developed world.

Although less catchy than the original, the new lyrics “My demographics down, they ain’t rebouncin’ now, lawmakers frown, askin’, ‘Where’s each newborn from?’” seemed to instantly capture the attention of the assembly members. South Korean Ambassador Jihoon Cha, whose country has the third lowest birthrate in the world, said to Flipside that “for the first time, I felt like somebody was truly speaking to us highly advanced and industrialized economies,” rather than the usual speeches about how the world is not doing enough to help Wakistan or some country that sounds like that.

It is true that over the past several years, birthrates across many countries in the developed world have been falling drastically. South Korea, Japan, Taiwan, Germany, Singapore, and others are all facing demographics crises which could threaten their long-term stability. Although many of these governments previously thought that incentivizing reproduction and encouraging immigration would fix the problem, world leaders now recognize that the true solution all this time has been to “get freaky” as one so eloquently put.

“Like it shouldn’t really matter nun’ if you got buns o if ya don’ for real though,” Minaj said in a follow-up statement today, “ous duty ta tha posterity should be tha main like priority righ yous see.”

Taking inspiration from Minaj’s performance, Drake will soon be performing at the UN as well to discuss the detriments of tariffs to the tune of “Hotline Bling.”

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