In a stunning display of his incredible foreign policy acumen, this past week the benevolent President Trump skillfully negotiated a deal with the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia’s Crown Prince Mohammed “Pass-the-Bone-Saw” bin-Salman which will see Saudi receive advanced cruise missiles with warheads small enough to kill specific Yemeni children, rather than the entire school bus they happen to be riding in.

The Kingdom, like other US-allies in the Middle East, has been eyeing the AGM-170 KIL-EM (Kid-Imploding-Loitering-Extended Range-Munition) to use in their campaign against whichever one of their random poverty-stricken neighbors they feel like at the moment. The reduced size of the warhead combined with state-of-the-art terrain-following radar onboard the missile allows for extremely precise targeting with the weapon, which is crucial for strikes carried out by the Saudis in dense, urban environments such as Sanaa, Yemen where the mission calls only for one or two children on board a school bus to be killed. Without this technology, the same strike would have to include the disintegration of the bus and the leveling of the neighboring city blocks.

Raytheon Technologies, the manufacturer of the KIL-EM, began designing the cruise missile after just such a strike in 2018 with a larger munition brought international scorn to Saudi Arabia’s intervention in the Yemeni Civil War. That particular strike targeted 13 year old Yemeni Abdul-Rahman al-Mukhaini for wearing black Air Force 1’s, although it also killed 14 year old Anwar al-Aziz whose Jordans were, bin-Salman admits, “pretty fly” and that the collateral damage was “regrettable”.

These missiles, which are scheduled to arrive in Riyadh in early 2026, are being sent in exchange of the Crown Prince promising not to leak the video of President Trump’s amorous relations with the former President Clinton.