Ah, the noble CTEC: making sure that our concerns and thoughts on classes are heard, potentially, on occasion. I’ll freely admit that since I’m not exactly an ideal student, and since the Bible says, “Judge not lest ye be judged,” I haven’t been consistent with submitting mine. But let’s not make this a pity party. That can wait till mid-May. This article addresses not my failings, but those of the CTEC system itself. Mainly, there’s no “abysmal dogshit” option.

Webster’s Dictionary defines “abysmal” as “immeasurably low or wretched: extremely poor or bad,” while Urban Dictionary user Judas Longshore more eloquently calls it “shitty.” With the exception of Bobb residents, whose every waking moment spent in their dorm is abysmal, everyone can detect abysmal dogshit.

(A quick distinction for those who may be confused: having to build a new bike for a professor as a DTC project is not ideal, but not necessarily abysmal dogshit, while having to build a bike-mounted flamethrower that clears homeless people from the sidewalk for a professor’s daily commute is abysmal dogshit.)

By depriving us of the option to call out abysmal dogshit for what it is, CTECs are robbing the Northwestern community of a chance for true reform. They’ll also save students’ time, as reading seven paragraphs of a scorned freshman’s unhinged ramblings on their “satan-spawn” Gen Chem Professor can be replaced with two simple words that convey the same thoughts.

To make things fair, there should also be an “abysmal dogshit” option for students’ transcripts, as separate from a letter grade or GPA. This will hopefully also stop the braggadocious fucks on LinkedIn after they inevitably annoy their professors enough to get the “A.D.” grade.

In an age of fake government efficiency, let’s achieve some real school efficiency for a change! Support my “Abysmal dogshit in CTECs” petition–or else, become the next member of my abysmal dogshitters list. The choice is yours.