Tag Archives: Homeless

[Nostalgia Issue] Where Are They Now: The Boxcar Children

Few children today have not been touched by Gertrude Chandler Warner’s classic book series The Boxcar Children, which captures all the charm and adventure of being a parentless underage destitute living in an abandoned train car. Now, these timeless stories are being updated for a new generation with the release of the series The Boxcar Adults: Just Regular Homeless People. Penned by nameless ghostwriters, these books attempt to sustain the realism of the original series and preserve its relevance, by

“Homeless Joe” Definitely Going To Rush

EVANSTON — Northwestern fraternities have recently begun their weekly tradition of Sunday night dinners, and hundreds of freshman have attended to get free food and flirt with frat brothers. The race for bids has begun, and one freshman has emerged as the top recruit. Nicknamed “Homeless Joe,” this enterprising, genial, and most of all hungry freshman has been sighted at nearly every single frat and dinner. Reports say Joe usually arrives at the frats alone, but he does bring his

Alcoholic Turns Down Free Natty Light

EVANSTON—In a shocking move last Thursday morning, Joe “No Liver” Guggenheim, a local convenience store night-shift manager and alcoholic, turned down an offer of a free case of Natty Light. The offer came when the brothers of Tappa Tappa Keg realized that they bought more beer than they could fit in their car. The fraternity was stocking up for a big weekend bash to celebrate the coming of a full moon. Upon seeing Mr. Guggenheim drunkenly stumbling down the street