As part of Northwestern’s new sustainability initiative, fraternities across campus have pledged to do their part by recycling the same five fucking themes for the entire quarter, bravely cutting down on wasteful originality. “We’re just doing our part for Mother Earth,” said Kappa Sigma Something social chair Jack Goff, while browsing a Google Drive folder labeled “lit ideas fr.”

The administration applauded the effort, noting that frats had already streamlined their creativity footprint to five perennial classics: Neon Rave; Anything but Clothes; Sexy Greek Mythology, But Only the Ones We’ve Heard Of; Country Club; and Regret.

“These parties may destroy your liver, GPA, and will to live,” said Sustainability Office spokesperson Dee Zaster, “but they won’t destroy the planet”.

The new model has already produced measurable results. According to a university press release, frat houses cut down on brainstorming hours by 83%, freeing up enough energy to “power hallway bong rips for an entire week”.

Some houses have experimented with innovative sustainability, combining themes. Sigma Apple Pie’s Textblast promoted “Jersey Shore Honkey Tonk Rave: Jungle Edition”. Attendees described it as “the exact same party, only way stickier, and someone set a couch on fire”.

Other mashups have been even less successful, including “Anything but Clothes but Also Business Casual” when three pledges simply stapled ties to their balls.

Frat bros are losing their dignity, couches, and possibly a liver, but the planet remains unscathed.