Former Vice President Richard “Big-Coke-Can-Dick-Swinging” Cheney has recently departed
this earthly realm to make the big trip to the world to come, but not forgetting his true purpose
across all lives, the former Veep has reignited the search for Saddam Hussein’s hiding spot in
Heaven.

Hussein, who notably gained access to Heaven by accepting Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior
in the moments before his execution in 2006, has been hiding out somewhere in Heaven ever
since. The CIA previously conducted a failed trans-dimension airstrike using F-117 stealth
aircraft in the Heaven’s version of Baghdad after believing Hussein to be hiding there in a
bunker, although post-strike assessments revealed the deposed dictator to have been nowhere
near the target.

Cheney has been followed into Paradise by an elite unit of DEVGRU, more commonly known as
SEAL Team 6, who were ritualistically sacrificed before an altar of Ronald Reagan to aid
Cheney in his hunt for the elusive terror mastermind. Augmenting the search is a squadron of
F-15E Strike Eagles which have been similarly presented at the Pearly Gates.

Along with messages of condolences to his family and tepid praise for Cheney’s long career,
members of Congress have also been recently expressing shock and dismay at both Cheney and
Hussein’s admittance into Heaven. When asked about this, one congressman who wishes to
remain anonymous remarked “He did 9/11 for crying out loud! Oh, which one? I don’t know, one
of them probably, who’s this Dick fella anyway? Who the hell names their kid Dick?”. Around
the globe, world leaders too have been offering their views on the matter. Newly installed
President of Syria, Ahmed Al-Sharaa gave comment to Flipside, but because none of us speak
Arabic we cannot imagine it was anything that important.

This story will be updated as the hunt for Saddam Hussein’s spirit continues.