[Roaring ’20s Issue] Area Man Invests in Stock Market, Asks “Wait, Why is this Newsworthy?”
“WHAT DO YOU KNOW THAT WE DON’T?!?” terrified investor screams at reporters
Author Archives: Flippy
[Roaring ’20s Issue] Prohibition Ends, Evanston Unaffected
Macklemore Would Have Played Dillo Day If We Had Asked
Study: Lakefill Made Entirely of Refuse from Previous Dillo Days
Reminder: Your Student Group Only Got $20 This Quarter So Mayfest Could Bring Lunice to Campus
SESP Junior to Lose Hope for Humanity after Attending Dillo Day Sober
THE LAKEFILL — At approximately 3:37 PM, June 1 2013, SESP Junior Michelle Cunningham will lose all hope for humanity after making the tragic mistake of attending a Dillo Day performance completely sober. Without the ignorant bliss afforded by alcohol-impaired facilities, Cunningham will be able to accurately perceive the Hieronymus Bosch-styled carnival of nightmares that we affectionately refer to as “Mayfest.” As recently as her 21st birthday celebration last month, Cunningham, who hopes to one day teach middle school English,
Back agin bitjes, DILLOOO
Editor’s note: This article was written by an actual drunk student, and, as such, has been left completely unedited. itss been too long since we’ve published a drink article, (auto-correct) dillo day for reals, typing on my phone. More later. Aaaand some chick is throwing up in the byshes pre 11am. Classsss. Some lady just asked me of I could see her flask. I couldn’t. We’re friends now. I forgot to tell you Chet haze grabbed my friends butt true story bro. Gah
Upcoming Univision Breaking Bad Remake Actually a Documentary
“I’m So Pumped for My Class on Ovid’s Metamorphoses!” Says Lonely Classics Major
Aaliyah, Only Woman Willing to Collaborate with Chris Brown, is Dead