Anime Club Director “Making Dad Proud”
Anime Club Director Edward Elric (SESP ’19) has announced he is “still making dad proud” after another tense seven minute phone call last Sunday.
Category Archives: No. 257
Trump Apologizes for Mistreatment of Elizabeth Warren, Admits He Was Wrong
Trump’s speech has been widely regarded as a shining example of political decency and civility. Many are also applauding his masterful turn of phrase and elegant use of language in his speech.
Morty Confused Why He Can’t See His Pediatrician Anymore
In a rambling speech on Tuesday, University President Morton Shapiro admitted to Northwestern’s Board of Trustees that he’s not really sure why he can’t keep seeing his pediatrician. “I just felt like I had a special connection with Dr. Tottles,” Morty lamented to the confused room of trustees, who thought they were getting a speech about the university budget. “Every time he would put one of my little hairs under his microscope and tell me he could see AND in
Professor Briefly Considers Career in Comedy After Half of Class Exhales Through Nostrils
“It was really a better reaction than I ever could have hoped for,” Williams said.
Morty deems scooters “too straining” on football players, instead gives them piggy-back rides through campus
Athletic trainers and strength coaches workshopped several ideas before they arrived upon the piggy-backing.
Halloween and Hump Day on Dangerous Collision Course
Reports are filing in from multiple student sources that Halloween and the widely observed “Hump Day” are on course for a climactic and messy collision, leaving many to speculate if candy will be the only thing spread out on the living room floor this holiday season. “This Hump Day I can just be myself and pretend it’s some sort of costume.”, said an anonymous Weinberg freshman. “And maybe I’ll finally be able to get more than just candy in the