EVANSTONâPutting on and tucking in his Class of â13 shirt, McCormick freshman Danny Gubin had a feeling it was going to be a good day. Gubin, often described as a real loser, then brushed his teeth with his electric toothbrush and flossed. Twice. Gubin stared down at the condom given to him in his 6th grade health class, muttering to himself, âToday is going to be the day.â After stumbling into the hallway over the âOur Little Boy Is In
EVANSTONâScholars and community members alike today mourn the death of Willy the Wildcat, Northwestern Universityâs beloved mascot. Willy, actually a thirty-five pound seven year old lynx, was shot dead early yesterday afternoon when famed trapper Mathias Weatherspoon set out to prepare something for dinner. âDad always said, an animal with spirit is a well fed animal,â remarks Weatherspoon, 27, âand a well fed animal is worth the bullet.â According to university officials, a large cattle branding adorning its right hind
EVANSTONâYesterday was another glorious day for the studious residents of Slivka Science and Engineering Residential College. Birds were chirping. Pencils were scribbling away at organic chemistry problems. Nintendo 64 controllers were being thrown in frustration during rousing matches of Super Smash Brothers. There was not a public display of affection to be found. There was nothing atypical about this kind of day, or any day in the past one hundred years. McCormick, Northwesternâs school of Engineering, has begun celebrating its
By The Lakefill Monster Ok, so let me get this straight. Thereâs a luscious pool of what is clearly imported glacier water from Switzerland in the middle of campus and youâre not gonna take a dip because the school says you shouldnât? Youâre killing me. Get your youthful sense of adventure together and just seize the day! Worst case scenario – youâll get high on life. I never let a bunch of puritans in suits push me around, and you
EVANSTONâLast night around 1:45 AM, SafeRide driver Jimmy Sloan was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol while transporting Northwestern sophomore David Bernstein from a ZBT frat party to his south campus residence. According to Evanston police officer Ralph Williams, Sloan attempted to street race on Sheridan Road with an Intercampus shuttle which was not willing to join him. Said Sloan, âI give him the look, you know? The bus driver made eye contact with me so I knew
EVANSTONâNorthwestern President Morton Schapiro unveiled plans to supplement the Evanston campusâ lake fill with a private archipelago across Lake Michigan at his inauguration on Friday, Oct. 9. The plan will raise awareness about sustainability by using organic material from old-growth rainforests to fill the archipelagoâs islands, Schapiro said. Citing the cramped conditions of the Sept. 19 âRock the Beachâ dance party thrown for freshmen during Wildcat Welcome Week, Shapiro noted in his inaugural address that âthe time is nowâ for
EVANSTONâThis week, an anonymous tip led to the discovery that the alleged restoration of Harris Hall, the home of the NU history department, is in reality a hunt for the corpse of Jimmy Hoffa, the long-missing President of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters. The unnamed tipster would only identify himself as a member of the Hoffa Disappearance Investigative Committee (HDIC). Despite his oath of confidentiality to the university, he was unable to keep the information from the public custom term
EVANSTONâNorthwestern President Morton Schapiro’s convocation address to incoming freshmen was rudely interrupted when Kanye West barged onto the stage and interrupted the speech. The well-known rapper grabbed the microphone from Schapiro’s grip and spoke to the shocked group of freshmen. “I’ve seen crazy things before, but nothing quite like this,” commented freshman John Rennault, “Who would believe that someone as fly as Morton Schapiro would be interrupted in the middle of an address?” After grabbing the mic, West did not
EVANSTONâPhi Mu Alpha, Northwestern Universityâs premier fraternity, has recently decided to invest the majority of its funds on estrogen pills in order to attempt to fit in with their neighboring sorority sisters. Located at 626 Emerson Street, the house is situated in the middle of sorority row. Recently, the musical brothers discovered that their neighbors are, in fact, female. As a result of this shocking find, many of PMAâs residents have become overwhelmingly self-conscious and distraught because of their distinct
EVANSTONâWhen freshman Conrad Stevens went to his first lab in Tech on Wednesday, he ended up stumbling upon a colony of students living in the halls. âIâd just passed L22 for the fifth goddamn time,â Stevens recounts, âwhen I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. I could have sworn I heard whispers.â Upon investigation, Stevens realized he had found a small village lining the halls of the A wing basement. âThey were all wearing long-sleeved shirts,