“When I first signed up for British Literary Traditions back in freshmen year, I had to get copies of six novels, all published by Penguin,” recalled Lapinski. “When the quarter ended, I realized that these books are timeless classics and totally worth the space under my bed.”
“The real world is gonna hit these poor schmucks like a sack of bricks,” Shamberg noted, sneaking sips from a hip-flask between questions.
“I’m so good at thesises,” said Weinberg Senior Kevin Pandolph. “But I hate writing the rest of the paper. I can’t believe you can get honors just for writing a thesis!”
“This might come as kind of a surprise, given the rigor of the Comm curriculum,” theater major Kirk Hammill told The Flipside, “but I was actually kind of worried about finding a job after graduation.”
“We apologize in particular for misrepresenting the nation of Bangladesh. We missed out on a veritable gold mine of Muslim stereotypes, and it will not happen again,” wrote the event coordinators.
“He insisted on going to as many frat parties as he could, and even suggested starting a Racist Beer Olympics in my dorm,” said the prospie’s overnight host, John Altman.
“It is simply quite astounding,” said Dr. David Howard of Harvard’s Awkward Sciences program. “The awkward blast from the sudden confrontation of a diversity leader walking in on a bunch of elitist white people making fun of everything he stands for was just over 9.75 Michaelcerawatts.”
Pages 177-362 were damaged near the top of the book, and page 176 was splashed slightly. After drying, the textbook is expected to make a full recovery, though its pages will never lie perfectly flat again.
The “I Agree With Markwell” campaign has taken the Northwestern campus by storm. Here is a detailed breakdown of its pros and cons: The Good -It’s something to talk about instead of the bad weather. -If you agree hard enough you get a free indulgence. -Hipsters who are trying to be ironic and contrarian against the backlash to his campaign agree. -Nary a soul has been lost on this campaign because they asked for directions, unlike that stubborn Moses. -The
WASHINGTON – After seeing the Star Wars-like hologram of the late rapper Tupac Shakur at Coachella, Republicans were so enticed by the technology that they decided to purchase their own hologram projector. Republicans are using their new machine in the GOP National Office to project Ronald Regan 24/7. Since last Monday, hologram Reagan has been repeating the phrases “Cut Taxes”, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”, and “Trickle-down economics is good economics!” When asked why the GOP made the purchase,