Science Invents Self-Assembling Robots; Going to Kill You
“Yeah, we’re really sorry about those Terminator movies.”
Category Archives: Headline
Lisa Myers, WCAS ’16, Launches Class Action Lawsuit against Lisa’s Café on Behalf of All NU Lisas
Fire Alarm in Hinman During Game Confirms Which Students Don’t Give a Shit about Football
“Are we winning?”
Substance-Free Hall Wins Beer Pong Tournament
“Ittall hashta do witsh thee whrist…”
NRA Begins Program to Hand Out Free Guns to People Who Look Like Good Guys
“I’m sorry sir, but you’ll need to shave that ‘stache before I can hand you one of these AKs.”
Tom Clancy Dies; Cold War Finally Over
BREAKING: Philosophy Major Receives Job Offer
Northwestern Tour Guide Walks Backwards into Open Sewer Drain
“And here we have the Thomas Crapper Memorial…”
Humanity Returns from Eye Doctor; Hindsight Lowered to 40/20
House Committee Forms to Decide Which Hand They Should Use to Jerk Off
“I’m thinking right… Can we put this to a vote? No? Okay, how about left? No? Well. I’m glad we’re all on the same page.”