Point/Counterpoint: Should Evanston Have a Skatepark?
ETHS student Patrick Thornby argues, “No, this isn’t a good idea for such a first-class model community,” while retired musician Paul Hamilton says, “Hell yeah! Let’s do it!”
Tag Archives: brothel law
Morty’s Archnemesis City-Council-Man Once Again Threatens Northwestern
MORTY’S SECRET HIDEOUT – Resident superhero Morty, otherwise known as Morton Owen Schapiro, was called once again to fight the forces of evil when his archenemy City-Council-Man, threatened to “close all the brothels.” Morty, alerted to this danger by “Save the Brothels” signs around campus, immediately donned his superhero costume – a purple sweater, purple tights, and very cute rimless glasses – and went off to investigate. Before leaving his secret hideout (which this reporter can exclusively reveal to be
Evanston City Officials Hold 2,000 Northwestern Students Hostage
“If I knew I had to deal with this much bullshit,” wrote Weinberg senior Jon Blinderman on a bloody Bob Marley shirt, “I would have gone Greek.”
Schapiro Saves Tilted Kilt, Brothels
EVANSTON – “Evanston residents are at it again,” Northwestern President Morty Schapiro announced Wednesday. “They are continuing to put their own petty desires ahead of the needs of Northwestern students.” The issue in question is whether the Tilted Kilt, a local Scottish-themed “Hooters-esque” restaurant, should be granted a liquor license. Evanston residents sent city hall a resounding “NO,” having collected nearly 2,200 signatures on a petition showing their displeasure. Schapiro, however, swooped in and saved the day, using his ninja-like
Three Off-Campus Residents Have Fourth Friend Who is Always Sleeping Over
“Sometimes it seems like he sleeps over every day.”