In what city officials are calling an “unfortunate mixup” and “a major oopsie,” dozens of wild boars were released into the local town Gilligan, IL for the celebration of Arbor Day.
EVANSTON – McCormick Freshman Casey Chad said Monday that she still believes that she will spend a significant amount of time in downtown Chicago at some point this year. “During fall quarter I just had to get acquainted with Northwestern and make friends who will come to the city with me,” Chad explained. “Next quarter I’m going to go to the city for sure! Well, maybe not winter quarter, actually, because it’ll be cold. It gets really cold in Chicago,
MORTY’S SECRET HIDEOUT – Resident superhero Morty, otherwise known as Morton Owen Schapiro, was called once again to fight the forces of evil when his archenemy City-Council-Man, threatened to “close all the brothels.” Morty, alerted to this danger by “Save the Brothels” signs around campus, immediately donned his superhero costume – a purple sweater, purple tights, and very cute rimless glasses – and went off to investigate. Before leaving his secret hideout (which this reporter can exclusively reveal to be