Area Student Enlists Dad as Wingman
Faced with the possibility of dragging his loathsome virginity into the third month of college, Thompson requested that when his dad comes for Family Weekend, he brings his game.
Tag Archives: Family Weekend
Area Orphan Not Really Looking Forward to Family Weekend
Multiple sources are reporting that area orphan Nelly Pager, WCAS ’19, is allegedly not terribly excited about the extensive programming Northwestern has planned for its annual Family Weekend.
How to Sexile Your Parents: A Guide to Family Weekend
Learn how to sexile your parents in just three easy steps! Love comes in many forms…
Entire Population of Long Island Goes Missing
LONG ISLAND, NY — In a bizarre coincidence, Northwestern University welcomed students’ family and friends for their annual family weekend from Friday October 19 to Sunday October 21, and the entire population of Long Island, New York has gone missing. “Where’d they go?” cried Syosset Mayor Rich Goldman. The island’s population was discovered missing on Friday night, when nearby Manhattan resident Aaron Weiner drove up to surprise his sister, her husband, and their two kids. “I was feeling lucky because the
With Family Weekend Looming, Students Clean Room for First Time
EVANSTON – Approximately one month after leaving home for the first time, dozens of underclassmen have been frantically cleaning their dorm rooms for the first time ever. During their first month of college, these students have been continuously lying to their parents about their cleanliness and organizational habits, saying that college forces them to be much more on top of things than they were back home. In an attempt to sell the lie to their parents when they come to
Freshmen Initiate “Parents Freeze” to Avoid Overly Emotional Mothers