Tag Archives: Tiger Woods

Kobe Bryant Unlocks NBA’s Chastity Belt; Stern Says Put a Ring on It

LOS ANGELES – While on an archaeological dig in Turkey, Kobe Bryant discovered the key to David Stern’s chastity belt. “Now that we have this key at our disposal, the lockout seems like a joke,” said Los Angeles Laker Derek Fisher. “All we have to do now is find Stern’s keyhole, and we can mount better negotiations.” Stern is still standing firmly erect with the owners on the lockout issue as of now. “Look, I understand Mr. Bryant has discovered

Despite Troubles, Tiger Receives New Endorsement

CHICAGO—Image-conscious afternoon television host Jerry Springer formally announced Saturday that he has signed golf superstar Tiger Woods to a four-year, $25 million endorsement deal, ensuring that The Jerry Springer Show will have the backing of Woods’ now-considerable white-trash marketing power for the foreseeable future. “Let’s face it, Tiger is now the most marketable and well-liked athlete for my audience,” Springer said. “He’s someone who exhibits many of the lowlife qualities our show presents on a daily basis. It’s an honor

Tiger Woods Admits to 18th Mistress, Blames Phallic Imagery of Golf

JUPITER ISLAND, FL—In a press conference today, Tiger Woods retracted his previous earth-shattering statement: “I’m human and I’m not perfect.” Woods claimed that he recently realized that these generic labels were insufficient to describe him. “I’m also a man,” he said. “And I’m a Neo-Freudian now.” The famed golfer sought psychiatric treatment when the details of his unsavory personal life came to the attention of the media. Woods believes that this decision has changed his entire perspective buy custom essays online on his