“I’ll stare right into their eyes and not say a single word. If their pupils dilate, that means it’s working.”
Category Archives: No. 229
“Last Thanksgiving, his mother and I said that we would support him whatever he ended up choosing,” said the elder Isaacs before adding “but” and four reasons why economics is “just so much more employable.”
The police report revealed countless moans of varying pitches and intensities accompanied by loud banging around 9 PM on Tuesday.
“Who are we fooling with this ‘one cohesive campus’ bullshit?”, added an anonymous tour guide.
Jozek attributed the outburst to two weeks of being asked by other Bienen students what instrument he played.
Morty: “We have students from more Chicago suburbs than ever before; as a matter of fact, we only took 40 kids from ETHS this year!”
Sophomore Brandon Wong says that he’s looking forward to another year and encourages students to give it a shot, even if joy “isn’t really their thing.”
“Straight lines of paint are much harder than straight lines of coke, y’know? I think we nailed it, though.”
“Let this be a warning to all other lawless individuals looking to steal fruit from our dining halls,” Ellis continued. “You have nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. We will find you, and we will stop you.”
“It’s not like we haven’t tried,” said Ainsley.