We Will: The Campaign To Spend $3.75 Billion

EVANSTON — Last Friday, President Morton Schapiro and Provost Daniel Linzer announced the university’s newest fundraising initiative, “We Will: The Campaign for Northwestern.”

The plan will finance a number of projects on the Evanston and Chicago campuses, including new buildings and increased financial aid. The university expects the campaign to last five years, raising an average of $9 million each week.

Although the plan’s goals of “Discovery and Creativity” are important, The Flipside brainstormed some alternative ideas for the $3.75 billion initiative.

  • Biweekly Dillo for the next two decades
  • A few windows in Blomquist Gymnasium, maybe another fan or two
  • Pack of therapy dogs roaming around campus
  • Ticket to the dance?
  • Free hungover brunches in Plex for the rest of eternity
  • 2,707 Dance Marathons
  • Heated walkway on Sheridan
  • Permanently dying the Chicago River purple #ChicagosBigTenTeam
  • Several hundred million orders of Frontera chips and guac
  • Clone of Jeff Budzien
  • All of the black jackets ever left at the Deuce
  • Shark tank in Norris
  • PR campaigns addressing the next 5-6 racial controversies
  • Approximately a hundred million times the funding The Flipside received from ASG
  • An ASG power trip
  • Beyoncé hologram

What would you buy with $3.75 billion? Submit your ideas to the 10K Initiative and then watch a Willie the Wildcat statue get picked instead. #gocats

About the Author

Caroline Picard
Caroline is mad. Very mad. And do you want to know why? Because she was born in a very small box. Caroline starred in the 1964 remake of "Annie." She played the mop in the "It's a Hard Knock Life" scene. The most shocking thing about Caroline is her being a natural redhead. The pressure of needing a blonde president to continue the streak forced her to dye her lovely red locks. It is widely believed that the stress of co-presiding over the Flipside has caused her hair to turn white prematurely, and she weeps at night missing her red hair. While in New York last year, she discovered that you need permission and authorization to climb the Empire State Building at night.

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