Mayor Tisdahl Asks Students to Quiet Down on Third Down

EVANSTON — Citing community concerns as well as a study that recently appeared on her Facebook newsfeed, Evanston Mayor Elizabeth B. Tisdahl has asked for Northwestern students to remain quiet during third downs at football games.

“First off, it’s really not that hard to be quieter. Since its creation, Evanston has strived to be a community without any bothers. Nobody likes a bother,” the mayor stated in a recent press conference.

Tisdahl added that, ”If we are not careful we could have an “Ohio State” situation on our hands. Their football program is looked down upon nationally because their fans are just too darn loud. There’s no need, no need for it at all.”

Students were surprised to see this rule first enforced during the recent home game against Penn State, when Evanston police cars turned on their lights and pulled up in front of the student section before a pivotal third down.

“This party’s busted,” yelled Ken Barnwell, WCAS ‘19, who was seen grabbing his jacket and running away from the student section. Sources report that he ran straight to a tailgate that allegedly had still not been shut down.

However, Mayor Tisdahl insists this policy is not aimed against fun. “Students are still permitted to use their inside voices. But we are not about to have this chaotic shouting every Saturday. It is detrimental to the societal norms Evanston was built on, such as abstinence, temperance, and sitting quietly.

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