Chris Christie Drops Campaign, Picks up Sandwich

NEW YORK, NY - SEPTEMBER 24: New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie stands during a press conference with New York Governor Andrew Cuomo (not pictured) to announce the initial findings from their joint review of security protocols, in response to growing, global terrorism, for New Jersey and New York during a press conference on September 24, 2014 at 7 World Trade Center in New York, NY. Last week, Christie and Cuomo requested a bi-state review of current safety and security protocols in response to the increased global terrorism threat and today, ten days later, they announced their initial findings as well as signed a memorandum of understanding to increase security for New Jersey and New York. (Photo by Bryan Thomas/Getty Images)

TRENTON, NJ — New Jersey Governor Chris Christie recently announced that he will be dropping his presidential campaign and picking up a sandwich. Christie allegedly made this decision in response to him vastly trailing in the polls throughout his whole campaign. Additionally, sources close to the campaign reported that he was starting to feel a little hungry, having not eaten in nearly two hours.

During the press conference, which took place at a local Quizno’s, Christie was visibly frustrated. “I really tried it all,” Christie said while unwrapping his sandwich, “I campaigned in Iowa and New Hampshire, I tried my best at the debates, but the people just wouldn’t trust me.”

Despite the lack of followers, Christie remains hopeful for the next election. “Imagine this sandwich I’m holding is me, and these Doritos are the American people,” Christie began. He then proceeded to place the Doritos into his toasted Turkey and Swiss on Rye, and take a huge bite. “See? When you combine me and the American people, you get a killer, tasty combo. Now wait, didn’t I order a soda? Ay you at the counter! Where’s my Root Beer?”

Christie had no further comments about his campaign, but did give a reporter a mean glare while eating. “What?” Christie said with his mouth full, “You never seen a guy eat a sandwich before?”

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