Tag Archives: Chris Christie

Flipside Field Report: Love and Loss in the Slivka Flood

EVANSTON — A devastating dormitory flood this past Monday left hundreds of residents in Slivka Residence Hall on North Campus without textbooks, graph paper, or TI-89 calculators. Reports indicate that the calamity may have been caused either by a malfunctioning radiator or the collective tears of three sophomore biomedical engineers studying for their Accelerated Organic Chemistry midterm. Beginning sometime between the hours of 4:00 and 7:00 AM in Suite 220 on the second floor, the storm surge penetrated suites 230,

Mitt Romney Buys and Bankrupts Hostess, Just to Spite Ohio

CLEVELAND, OH — Trans-fat gourmands everywhere mourned the loss of the Hostess Corporation on Friday when the company announced it was closing its factory doors for good. Many middle Americans, including all of the remaining Republicans in Ohio, took a break mid ho-ho bite to blame Barack and Michelle Obama for the confectionary catastrophe. “This is just another example of how Obama is bad for America,” Warren Couty resident Tammy Smith told the Flipside, brushing some cinnamon sugar off her

Obama-Bloomberg Friendship on the Rocks after Tepid Endorsement

NEW YORK CITY — New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg publically endorsed President Obama last Thursday, saying the effects of Hurricane Sandy reshaped his thinking of the presidential campaign. While many Democrats welcomed the New York mayor’s support, Obama was less than enthusiastic about the statement. The implication that Bloomberg was previously unsure of his vote, or even possibly considering to vote for the Romney/Ryan ticket, definitely shook their friendship to its very core. An inside source told The Flipside, “Barack

Obama Implores Americans to Temporarily Halt New Jersey Jokes

HOBOKEN, NJ — This week, after Hurricane Sandy flattened the Jersey Shore, President Obama kindly requested that Americans stop making “Jersey” jokes for at least a week. “Out of respect for our fellow citizens in this time of crisis, I implore you all to stop making fun of New Jersey. Stop making fun of their terrible and confusing highway system. Stop making fun of the fact that the only thing in Newark that’s growing is the crime rate. Stop making