Report: Reflections in Kellogg Windows Look Like Your Ex

A new report released today by the Northwestern psychology department confirms that the reflections in the Kellogg Center windows do indeed look like your ex-lover.

“Our team of researchers found that the unique curvature of the window panes, the angle of the sun on Valentine’s Day, and the precise magnitude of cold, bitter rejection you’re experiencing right now all make these reflections look like your former soulmate,” Dr. Jonathan Getter said at a press conference this morning.

Furthermore, the report detailed how the vast surface area of the glass at Kellogg enables you to see multiple different reflections of your old flame. The east side windows, for instance, show them as they looked when you first felt the spark of true love, while the glass ceiling in the atrium creates an image strikingly similar to your precious beau when they realized it wasn’t working between the two of you, and never would.

Critics of the study, however, argue that the reflections in the Kellogg windows do not actually look like your ex, that it’s all in your head, but that’s the worst part, since leaving Kellogg won’t save you from seeing the image of the one you so passionately loved, yet can never be with again.

About the Author

Michael Miller
Michael Miller is a graduate of the Culinary Institute of America, where he wrote a thesis on the merits of Dippin' Dots. It was wildly unpopular in the scientific community, as most readers preferred Fro-Yo. He enjoys salad with grapes, but without the salad parts, and the grapes are fermented. He enjoys glasses of wine. The most shocking part of Michael's life is that he is an avid St. Louis Cardinals fan. Michael hopes to one day open a Dippin' Dots stand in Busch Stadium sot hat he can provide The Ice Cream of the Future to his brothers in red.

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