As midterm season begins, the Northwestern administration is reminding students to avoid audibly sobbing when in the silent section of Mudd library.
“Please be courteous to your fellow students,” said administration member Adam Harrison. “If you’re going to burst into tears at the thought of how hopelessly unprepared you are for your exam or just because of a general existential dread, please move out of the silent section.”
The administration is asking students in the silent section to, at the very least, muffle the sounds of their anguished cries by burying their faces in the pages of textbooks they should have read but didn’t, and now don’t ever have a hope of understanding, oh the agony.
“To avoid letting the stress build up until you have a breakdown in the silent section of Mudd at 1 a.m., students are encouraged to sort out their feelings about stress and midterms by talking to friends or trusted adults,” said administration member Trish Johnson. “If students want to avoid confronting the concepts of stress and midterms directly, they can write an article for a satirical magazine.”