5 Things That Are Considered Scary, But Nowhere Near As Terrifying As The Face A Guy Makes When He’s About To Kiss You

Most of us who have kissed a man are familiar with The Face. For those who have the fortune of not knowing, it’s the expression a man often makes before he goes in for the kill, sometimes referred to as the dead fish face. It usually involves the life leaving his eyes (and going to his dick) leading to a blank stare and a gaping mouth. Many don’t recognize the true horror of The Face, as its terror exceeds that of many traditionally “scary” things. Here are 5 things that are considered scary but nowhere near as terrifying as The Face.

1. Late night thoughts

You’re laying in bed, willing yourself to go to sleep, and your brain starts to play your own personalized WatchMojo video of your Top Ten Most Embarrassing Moments.

Though the haunting memory of when you threw up all over yourself at circle time in second grade certainly inspires some dread, it is no match for The Face. For while these mortifying moments  are in  your past, The Face is in your present (and feels like your future as well).

2. Whatever you see when you take your blindfold off in the movie “Bird Box”

It can be argued that there likely isn’t anything that exceeds the pure awfulness of whatever happens when you take off your blindfold in the 2019 movie “Bird Box,” as immediately after seeing it, you commit suicide. However, You don’t get  the luxury of death with The Face. The Face is forever, always in your mind as an intrusive thought (along with what jizz tastes like), sending chills down your spine.

3. Someone you don’t know starts typing on Snapchat

Few feelings match the intense fear you felt in high school when someone not within your circle started typing on Snapchat. However, this terror is quickly stopped when you open their chat to see their message, “do you have the calc hw?”. Yet you cannot stop the terror of The Face. It doesn’t want calc homework. It wants your lips. It’s inevitable. You just have to shut your eyes and lean in.

4. Furbies

When I was young, I had this sort of dichotomy surrounding my feelings on Furbies. I was enchanted by its soft, colorful fur, but also terrified of it coming to life and murdering me and my entire family. One of the things that was most unsettling about Furbies were their large beady eyes. However, if I was scared by my Furby’s piercing stare, I could easily lock it in a closet so it couldn’t look at me. Unfortunately, you can’t do the same thing to a man who makes The Face, as apparently that’s “false imprisonment” and a “felony.

5. Actual dead fish faces

If you’ve spent a decent amount of time around water at any point in your life, you’ve likely seen a dead fish, and have also likely recoiled at its expression. However, though often used as a point of comparison to The Face, the face that dead fish have is actually less frightening. This is because the fish is dead, and therefore cannot hurt you. The fish is also not about to kiss you.

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