J.D. Vance on validity of 2020 election: “Bro, you’re not valid”
It appears that in this election cycle, J.D. Vance has taken a page out of the book of frat bros across the country, as he promoted his new favorite word “valid” in the Vice Presidential debate last Tuesday. In a heated moment regarding the peaceful transfer of power necessary to sustain democracy, J.D. Vance, usually the more eloquent politician, appeared to be possessed by what political analysts have been describing as “overconfident frat bro.” Rather than trying to pivot away from political weaknesses (as politicians usually do), J.D. Vance faced the question of the 2020 election’s validity head-on, stating, “Bro, you’re not valid.”
When asked about this apparent change in his lexicon, Vance’s team had a shocking answer. “Yeah, so we saw that J.D. wasn’t really popular with younger voters. In fact, he seemed unpopular with all voters. We realized that while most voters wouldn’t be swayed by sudden usage of slang, there is one group that is still vulnerable: frat bros. Frat bros tend to have less of an actual stake in the election because they are too busy shot-gunning beers to think about shoddy gun legislation or other serious policy issues. So, we decided to hire two of the country’s best frat bros, Chad Trent and Trevor Brent, as debate advisors for J.D. These two young men are experts in their field; they are seventh-year students at Bama studying business. They spent just thirty minutes advising J.D.—they claimed they didn’t want to ‘lock themselves down’ with any one person—but their impact was clear: J.D. was able to transform himself from rich, middle-aged douchebag to broke, college-aged douchebag with the ego of a rich douchebag.
The impacts of this new move are yet to be analyzed on a national level, but the Trump campaign does report a 100-point lead across the nation, which is, unsurprisingly, not valid.
God damn liberals