A Northwestern student woke up on September 23rd expecting to find a dinosaur in her dorm room, ready to end her time on the mortal plane. What she discovered instead was even more shocking to her: the Rapture has nothing to do with raptors, especially not any of the veloci- variety.

She had heard from creators on TikTok that the Rapture, a religious doomsday, was coming and, like many others, grew fearful. “I watched Jurassic Park as a kid. I know what those dinosaurs are capable of,” she said.

It seems the girl conflated “raptor” and “rapture,” leading her to conclude that the prophesied doomsday would be carried out by a troop of small dromaeosaurid dinosaurs from 71 billion years ago.

When it was explained to the subject that, in fact, “raptor” and “rapture” are two different words, she was relieved, if a bit shocked. “Wait, so I’m safe from the velociraptors? I thought it was, like, the same thing?”

The student asked to stay anonymous for her safety, saying, “Next time the Rapture comes around, who knows what will take me?!”.