Sophmore Dies of Internal Bleeding Following 20th Successive “Welcome Back” Hug
Freshmen Realize School Starts Soon
Lily Sanders noted, “I loved making new friends, learning new things, and having fun during Wildcat Welcome. I’ll never be able to do those things again once classes start.”
Essential NU Bingo
God Watches, Horrified, as Cru Member Turns off Another Freshman from Religion Forever
God the Almighty became increasingly agitated as Tolbert entered Anthony’s dorm room, sans invitation, to begin a frank and invasive conversation about Jesus Christ.
Disillusioned Sophomore: “Man, But Actually, **** School!”
Area Freshman: “Welcome Week Wasn’t Too Tough, How Bad Could the Rest Be?”
RTVF Junior Plans “Parkes and Rec” Video to Help Freshmen Find Obscure Campus Buildings
The video stars Communication seniors Kaylee Hutchinson and Miranda Oates, Weinberg junior Brandon Tchoupitoulas, and Nick Offerman.
Area Freshman Really Wishes CA Would Stop Hinting That Drinking in Dorms Would Be Slyly Overlooked
Area Jews Try Not to Complain for a Day
“I’m trying really hard to show some restraint,” Goldberg continued, “but it’s not easy. I’ve been in a really grumpy mood all day since I’m fasting and I woke up with this weird ache in my back and shit, I’m doing it again, aren’t I?”
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