Rising Senior Full of Furious, Simmering Jealousy at New Freshman Class
Freshman Confident He Has His Schedule Worked Out
“I’ll have 8 AM classes every day, which is good because I like to wake up early and get things done,” said Jenkins. “It worked well in high school so I know I’ll have no trouble getting up early in college.”
Frats Jumpstart New Year; Skip Right to Grain Ethanol
New Fingerprint Scanner Proves Apple is Committed to Protecting Your Privacy
The Flipside’s Tips for Northwestern Freshmen: A Response to The Onion
“The Onion’s Tips for College Freshmen” was published to help the class of 2017 seem a little less awkward than the class of 2016 (we have character). However, for the latest litter of Wild Kittens, a lot of this trustworthy advice needs some supplemental information.
Dating Site User Touts Qualities Shared By All Non-Sociopathic Humans
When asked about the most private thing she was willing to admit about herself, chigirl91 states that she is a very big fan of Harry Potter, a franchise which has sold over 500 million books and a series of movies which have netted $7.7 billion in profit.
New Miracle Drug! The Flipside Returns! [Plus info about joining our staff]
Have your friends all gone back to school? Are you sitting in your parents’ basement, wishing you were in Evanston? Alleviate your case of September Doldrums with a daily dose of the Northwestern Flipside. Developed by a team of scientists and doctors, The Flipside will begin releasing its daily 2013-2014 content on September 9.
Best-Possible Family Vacation Still 8% More Stressful Than Daily Life
Legrande warned reporters that visiting luxurious hotels, perfectly-manicured beaches, and 4-star restaurants with even tenuously-related kin could potentially do irreparable damage to an average adult’s heart.
Miley Cyrus Pledges to Stick to Cheesy Childhood Image until the Age of 45
“Now that I am twenty, I think it’s the best time to get more firmly settled in the adolescent image, maybe even take it back a little bit, add some of the princess props, teddy bears, and stuff like that.”
“That’s Cute,” Says Coloradan on Illinois Legalizing Medical Marijuana