ETHS Student: I’ll Drink at Dillo, but I Won’t Touch The Devil’s Grass
He also repeatedly emphasizes that he has only consumed alcohol, and not “the evil plant.”
Author Archives: Jordan Villanueva
Standoff Ends, Sit-In Begins
“If this continues much longer, we’ll have to lay down the law.”
Morty: Tuesdays now Mondays, Wednesdays now Fridays, Saturdays now Thursdays, and Every Other Friday is a Sunday
“At Northwestern, we work to be an exemplary institution, and I think a big part of that is demonstrating that our students and faculty have no difficulty adjusting to the random allocation of days without regard to traditional calendars.”
Flipside Endorses Jim Gilmore for ASG President
While it is true that Governor Gilmore has not formally announced his candidacy for ASG President, his recent United States presidential campaign indicates he is open to leadership roles.
Depressed Schapiro: No Investment Socially Responsible
Once the committee began reviewing Northwestern’s investment portfolio, Schapiro came to understand that everything is, in fact, terrible.
Quarterback Who Only Won Five Games Last Year Headed To Super Bowl 50
Many Northwestern fans have expressed their surprise that the man who recorded more interceptions per game than he did scores has a legitimate chance at earning a championship ring in his first professional season.
Evanston Food Bank to Host Bienen Graduate Nights
“This gives us the opportunity to reach out even more to a population that is clearly faced with extreme socioeconomic disadvantages.”
Morty Invites Mayor Tisdahl to His “Safe Space”
A recent email chain recovered by Flipside reporters exposes an exchange between Northwestern President Morton Schapiro and Evanston Mayor Elizabeth Tisdahl.
Freshmen PNM Acts Herself, is Rejected
While her attitude wasn’t particularly undesirable, members involved in recruiting were quick to notice their authenticity and removed her from their lists of prospective bids.
BREAKING: C-Store Sushi Contains Traces of Fish
Authorities have preliminarily declared that the presence of fish in the sushi poses no danger to consumers, though Northwestern administration has already launched an investigation into possible implications.