Ted Cruz Filibusters Wife’s Board Game Night Decision
Senator Cruz touched upon the Socialist implications of randomly distributing cards to the players and having a equitably rotating judge pick a card based on its humor or applicability.
Category Archives: Articles
Cooper Manning Leads New York Giants to 0-5 Start
The older brother of quarterbacks Peyton and Eli Manning, Cooper was diagnosed with spinal stenosis when he was 18, seemingly ending his athletic career. But more than 20 years later, he has made his return to football as a 39-year-old rookie for the Giants.
STUDY: The Ohio State University is Worst Institution
“Our study compared The Ohio State University to not only formally structured institutions such as the Ku Klux Klan and Al Qaeda, but also societal institutions such as bigotry and poverty,” said leading author Professor Richard Ashley.
Cru Converts Student to Christianity, a First-Ever Accomplishment for the Group
Even though Cru’s rate of conversion has always been 0%, Cru has never given up knocking on NU students’ doors. Their mission is to spread awareness of a religion that is already practiced by 80% of the country and that is well-understood by anyone who doesn’t live under a rock.
You Better Fucking Believe There are Girls at This Party, Sources Say
According to sources deep in the heart of the fraternity quad, you better go all-in on that party tonight, because wow, is there some serious babe-age over there.
Yes, I Was Drunk at Convocation. What of It?
I told myself I would only have a couple drinks. Just enough to ease my nerves for the convocation speech, you know? But PTI kept handing me shot after shot. She may not look it, but let me tell you, PTI can really throw it down.
CIA World Factbook: Fitzerland
Official Languages: Bromanian, Keg-tapanese, Coorsican
My Angry Feminist Roommate Thinks Homecoming is Unfeministic
Homecoming is NOT an appropriate manifestation of sex-positive feminism, and I cannot continue to just stand by while the Gender Studies department completely ignores the issue.
The Flipside Nominates the 2013 Homecoming Court
As the only satirical newspaper on campus, The Northwestern Flipside feels proud (and obligated) to nominate its first annual Homecoming Court and recognize the most notable members of the Northwestern and surrounding Evanston community.
Weinberg Freshman Drops Out of NU, Hired at Strip Club
“At first I was, like, really excited about college and all,” DeLuca told her advisor. “But then, like, I was in Intro to International Relations and it seemed like I was like, going to have to read a lot. That’s, like, bullshit.”