Based (regrettably) on true events:

Let’s set the stage…Anthro 214–Archaeology: Unearthing History. It’s your 12:30 lecture, the last one before your midterm on Thursday. The subject? Relative dating in Mesopotamia. No, not that kind of relative dating. It’s the kind with layers and superpositions. No, not those kinds of positions. It’s the kind with rocks and dirt and stuff. And now the professor is yapping about the things researchers get up to in the field: 

“We get real dirty, us archaeologists,” she says. “We use all five senses when we perform research. You wouldn’t believe the things we put in our mouths sometimes.”

Let’s face it, this class is not for you. You took it for a distro requirement, but the second tongues and mouths got involved with LiDAR and random survey selection, you locked out. You’re behind by two readings—one on Ancient Greek MILFs, the other on Sumerian tongue kissing. By the time the professor starts talking about the latter in today’s lecture, you’ve decided your attention is better spent literally anywhere else.

And then your eyes wander two rows up, and just look at that fleece cardigan your classmate is eying on Depop. She’d be dumb as the rocks you’re supposed to be studying (and licking!) if she bought that. 15 dollars plus shipping is absolutely ridiculous for something that ratty.

Then you look to her right, and another classmate is engaged in the fight of his life with his girlfriend over Facebook Messenger. ‘Now this is some real anthropology,’ you think. Who cheated on who with who? But just as it’s getting interesting–

“Who here has ever thought about dating their cousin?” asks the professor. And you’re right back in the world of Sumerian tongue kissing and making out with rocks.