Tag Archives: Medill

New ASB Sexual Tourism Trip Literally Serviced the Community

EVANSTON—A group of Northwestern students spent their spring break learning the ins and outs of community service on Alternative Student Breaks’ first sexual tourism trip. Students who signed up for the excursion had the opportunity to perform service at all 13 of ASB’s existing sites, in such exotic locales as Missouri and Kansas. “We wanted to be able to service as many communities as possible, so we decided to visit two sites a day. It was rigorous, but being able

Flipside Receives Medill F

EVANSTON—After thorough fact-checking, Medill professors and administrators unanimously awarded The Flipside an “F” for its inordinate amount of factual errors. “The content was exceptional, but there is no such person at Northwestern as ‘Weinberg freshman Joe Krawson,’” said a concerned Medill professor, after reading an article which he thought would profile a very successful student. In a further, shocking investigation, it was uncovered that The Flipside has never quoted a real person. Every single quote is false. The publication’s president

Medill 2030 Shifts Focus to Students Pursuing Other More Profitable Careers

EVANSTON—With newspapers more commonly used nowadays to cover up Keg-induced vomit or Stephen Demos’ tears, the Medill School of Journalism announced yesterday that it plans to alter its curriculum to keep pace with the modern world. Medill 2030 gets rid of the old stuff nobody cares about (like writing and reporting), replacing its previous curricula with accounting, biochemical engineering and law—professions that actually have jobs available. “We call it New Journalism,” explained Medill Dean Levine. “The emphasis tends to be

Swim in The Lakefill Just This Once, Com’on

By The Lakefill Monster Ok, so let me get this straight. There’s a luscious pool of what is clearly imported glacier water from Switzerland in the middle of campus and you’re not gonna take a dip because the school says you shouldn’t? You’re killing me. Get your youthful sense of adventure together and just seize the day! Worst case scenario – you’ll get high on life. I never let a bunch of puritans in suits push me around, and you

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