Tag Archives: SPIDERSSPIDERSSPIDERS

New Study Finds Cocaine Excellent Replacement For Eating, Sleeping, Blinking, etc.

Americans rejoiced last week as new study conducted by Harvard University concluded that cocaine served as an excellent alternative to mundane bodily tasks such as eating, sleeping, blinking, breathing, and having a pulse. “After we blew through all of the university grant money on low quality blow, we figured we should probably write some of it down” said Isaac Conklin, head researcher on the project. “Our intern Carl was more than happy to let us pump a near-lethal amount of

NU Researchers Discover Taking DMT Only Way to See the Invisible Spiders Crawling on Everyone’s Skin All the Time

A group of researchers here at Northwestern University has made a huge, and potentially frightening, discovery. Their report claims that there are thousands of invisible spiders crawling all over everyone at all times, and the only way to see them is to take the drug DMT. Foreseeing what they described as “ethical issues” with making civilian subjects take the drug, the researchers elected to perform the test on themselves. The scientists split into two groups, one being the control group