Ask Flippy: What if President Blank’s Lawn isn’t Large Enough to Protest On? What if Her Windows Shut and Her Doors Lock??

Dear Flippy,

Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled that Morty is finally retiring, and I’m even more thrilled that our new president is a certified girlboss. But I know that with a girlboss, a healthy dose of gaslight and gatekeep are sure to follow. She may be a woman, but first and foremost, President Blank is an econ major. I’m not saying she’s racist… but I’m not saying she’s not racist… ya know? I’m just a little concerned about the conditions for protests. Will she have as generous a lawn as Morty? Will the glass of her windows and locks on her doors be as responsive to my gentle touch? Please help.

A concerned citizen

Dear concerned citizen,

I see you, I hear you, I feel you. It’s perfectly natural to be anxious during a time of change. You just have to believe. I see no reason to expect that Becky will be any more vigilant than Morty. Plus, old white people love their lawns, and I’ve heard that garden gnomes make for great projectiles. Either way, Flippy has your back, as well as a large selection of lock picks and grappling hooks.

Yours always,


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