8 Neutral Things to Say Around Your Significant Other’s Conservative Parents That Will Still Get You Invited on the Yacht

So, your partner’s family has money. Of course, that can only mean one thing: you need to charm the living daylights out of those conservative parents if you ever want to get on that yacht. Here’s what to say when you need to ditch your morals in order to keep those boat dreams afloat.

  1. “Poor people should get money…………………………… if they earn it.”

A great lead-in sentence. Daddy Warbucks isn’t quite sure where you stand, and the long pause will draw him in and make the absolute fallacy you’re about to spew that much sweeter to his ears.

2. “The senate has 100 members.”

Remember, you cannot go wrong by simply describing the government.

3. “I love sports!”

The ‘rents think you’re talking football. You’re thinking about the couple of times you were forced to watch your 6-year-old sister’s soccer games. What’s important is they’re getting the wrong idea and that’s what matters.

4. “I major in Economics.”

Regardless of your major, this is a must. The captain’s hat is already in the Amazon shopping cart and you cannot let something as trivial as the truth get between you and that Slipstream.

5. “Biden’s new tax plan sure would have effects.”

Keep this one in your back pocket for when you get tired of participating. They’ll go on for quite some time and all you have to do is stand there and let them.

6. “Boy oh boy, do I love boats. Big ones. Small ones. All boats are great. I just love ‘em so much.”

Keep your eyes on the prize. This is a pretty subtle strategy, but it might be just what you need to plant a seed that will grow into a beautiful, yacht-shaped tree.

7. “RUTABAGA”

When all goes to shit and the conversation is getting dangerously close to everyone’s vaccination status, it’s important to have a wildcard ready.

8. *smile and nod*

These parents are looking for one thing, and that’s a captive audience. Just mentally check out and think about Fergie singing the National Anthem. We promise that thought alone is far more important than anything Mr. and Mrs. Generational Wealth have to offer.

Good luck, sailor.

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