Bring Back Pangea!: And Other Forgotten Landmass Advocacy Campaigns
In the good ol’ days, Brazil was just a hop, skip, and jump away from Angola. New York City’s rat population made Moroccan friends. Digeridoos and kangaroos infested Tibet. Alaska and Russia were sharing a lover’s embrace pre-breakup. Northwestern’s newest club, Bring Back Pangea! has taken campus by storm.
Club demonstrations have included painting the world on The Rock as it was in 300 million BCE, people contorting themselves in the shape of Pangea while chanting: “FUCK CONTINENTAL DRIFT.” For their next demonstration they hope to fill the water next to the lake fill because, as one member puts it, “all land must unify once again.”
Forest Seeman, leader of another group thirsting over the rumored Pacific super-continent of Mu, spoke of the benefits of such a project. “It would be more land to colonize, more gerrymandering opportunities, and more land to acknowledge. The white guys who theorized this continent were on to something” explained Seeman. “Mu would be a safe haven for conservative imperialists with no room for neo-libs,” Seeman continued. Known as the “Motherland of Men,” Mu has the same nickname as the first floor of Bobb!
Whisperings about possible new coalitions are creating some controversy. Planning for their official debut, the group Oceania is Fucked is gaining traction for their cause. Namely, delegates from the Maldives, Tuvalu, and Fiji are drowning themselves in protest of rising sea levels. Seeman commented on the matter, asking, “Don’t they know their body masses are just making the situation worse? Turtles can probably choke on those human fingers, but whatever.”