Op-Ed: Watch Me Eat This Man
There once was a man who lived a happy life. A calm, gentle soul. A wife. A lovely daughter. They lived on the side of a lonely hill, next to a light stream, with a soft, calming breeze in the air. The man was happy. I am going to eat this man.
Life is a beautiful thing. There are many ups and downs, losses and victories, and meals. Man feels every emotion such as love, lust, anger, hunger, hate, joy, sadness, hunger, worry, embarrassment, fear, and hunger. In a way, our shared lives and emotions make us alike. This man on this hill is like every man on every hill. Delicious. Please watch me eat this man.
Why? Not everything needs a reason. Every life ends. Do not dwell on the why. Just watch. And afterwards, I want you to continue watching. For it is your eyes that give me the power. To hunger. For more. Watch me eat this hill.
My granddaughter loves this story, but now the neighbor’s dog has been buried and the voices are closing in around me. They are so loud that they have permeated both my waking consciousness and my dreams. They’ve moved on to coercing me into serving my chiropractor at the family Christmas dinner. This is your fault Smokey bear, for endorsing cannibalism.
Whyyyy Smokey bear!!!! :( that man is my brother’s father’s son’s nephew’s sister’s cousin’s grandma’s dog’s husband. I don’t care about the circle of life I will eat the fucking cigarette bear if I have to
We straight gassing, cutting straight to the bricks
Ha ha
This shit ain’t nothing to me man
We smoking runts
Shorty got a BBL, took that shit out because she couldn’t run
I had to do it to them snipe. I went Judge Judy on that pussy snipe
I’m not loyal to anybody, I’m a demon. I have no loyalty for anyone. Never did, never will. Shorty chose to be with a demon, sounds like her problem to me, ha ha
This shit ain’t nothing to me man, my money longer than James Cameron
On and off the court straight fundamentals, no funny business. This shit ain’t nothing to me man
Moving like Dracula we get it back in blood
You see it? I really did this, I’m really him
Flipped a whole brick into an Empire. Stop playing with me
I have no sympathy, I live for this shit. This shit ain’t nothing to me man
I’m nice with it, ha ha
My money long, my pockets deep. No pocket watching in these parts.
We straight gassing, cutting straight to the bricks
Chanel Optics got me seeing shit
I am vigorously masturbating as I read this. Yes, daddy, eat me harder.
I cant sleep because the voices won’t stop telling me to bury the neighbor’s dog alive, but this article really made my night. I’m sending this to my granddaughter