Despite dozens of lawful attempts to handle ICE in a civil and constitutional manner,
Democrats have yielded little to no success. Motivated by angry constituents, who worry
they will be deported, and lawmakers’ wives, who worry that their attractive Mexican
landscaper will be deported, the party has officially shifted focus to a hopefully more
effective technique in combating the escalating presence of ICE.

According to a spokesperson for the party, after weeks of debate on the taxpayer’s dollar
Democrats finally came to a simple majority vote that “It’s time we step up our game.”
However, it wasn’t until a Minneapolis woman was fatally shot by an ICE officer, and the
party reconvened from a pre-scheduled three-week vacation, that they finally landed on a
strategy.

Inspired by the indisputably effective elementary school “Don’t Be a Bystander” campaign,
Democrats have carefully constructed the equally catchy, PG-13 “when necessary, use
profanity” campaign. This will “empower constituents” with the tools necessary to defend
themselves from getting snatched off their local main street, states a representative who’s
never stepped foot on a local main street.

Although only just enacted, the campaign has already yielded unprecedented success.
When describing the Minneapolis ICE shooting, Minneapolis Mayor Frey didn’t just drop an
F-bomb, but a slur directed towards the male cattle community. Sources tell us this use of
strong language has resulted in a record-breaking number of social media interactions with
the word “ICE,” tying the event with the 1990 debut of Vanilla Ice’s hit single “Ice Ice Baby.”

As the old adage goes, “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will spearhead
the complete reconstruction of my political and social climate.” In other words, your voice
is powerful and can very well do something once in a while. So next time an unidentified
masked man attempts to take your child away, before doing anything rash, consider
dropping an F-bomb. Of course, that is only in the utmost severe of circumstances. The
Democratic party is not responsible for any and all side effects of campaign usage,
including death.