No One Noticed North Korea Technically Declared War on the South
My Angry Feminist Roommate Is Totally Psyched about Sandra Fluke
By My Angry Feminist Roommate OH. EM. GEE. You guys (actually, that phrase is SO non-gender-neutral and totally misogynistic). You students, both female and male, who happen to be reading this well-informed and non-biased feature, Sandra Fluke is here. At Northwestern. OMG. She’s here RIGHT. NOW. Like I’m literally in the second row of Fisk 217 and I can see her. It’s like I’m BATHING in women’s liberation. I’m more excited than a gay stoner enjoying Denver’s most charming all-you-can-eat
Infographic: How Are NU Departments Handling Their Sequestered Budgets?
Daylight Saving Time Fucks Up Dance Marathon
EVANSTON — A riot erupted during Block Ten of Northwestern’s 39th annual Dance Marathon after the sleep-deprived emcees announced that the final block would be extended by an hour due to Daylight Saving Time. Daylight Saving Time, when clocks move forward an hour on the second Sunday of March, caused Dancer Relations to miscount the amount of time remaining in the thirty-hour charity event. “At first I thought I was just disillusioned from the lack of sleep,” said first time
Investigation Reveals Koch Brothers Sponsored Rand Paul’s Filibuster
Sororities Add “Pledge Stepdad” to Pledge Families
EVANSTON — The umbrella organizations responsible for Greek life at Northwestern, IFC, MGC, NPHC, and PHA, announced in a joint statement this morning that they will be adding one more role to the nuclear pledge family unit. “In addition to the traditional roles of pledge parents, children, and siblings, the new role of the pledge stepdad will be integrated in to the already rich structure of our Greek life organizations,” said Anita Jackson, spokeswoman for the Panhellenic Association. According to
Hugo Chavez Extends Wake an Extra Four Years
Flipside Investigation Discovers that “Brogurt” Contains Horse Meat
MIAMI BEACH, FL — It’s no secret that Greek yogurt is popular among women; just ask any yoga-pant-clad sorority girl on campus and she’ll, like, totally confirm. Yogurt is chock full of vitamins and calcium that help maintain a healthy diet, but marketers sensed a gaping demographic disparity in the yogurt market and recently announced the launch of a new product catering to men. Powerful Yogurt, nicknamed Brogurt, hit grocery store shelves last week in an attempt to target guys
Freshman Wears Suit to DM: “It’s Always Better to Be Overdressed Than Underdressed”
The Flipside Would Like to Apologize
For the first time in its storied existence, The Onion has issued an apology for its content. Many were outraged when “America’s Finest News Source” targeted 9-year-old Best Actress nominee Quvenzhané Wallis with a tasteless expletive, forcing Onion, Inc. CEO Steve Hannah to post a contrite note of regret on his site’s front page. After thorough discussion amongst The Flipside’s executive board and preferred astrologists, we have come to the decision that it is in our best interests for The